This past week I am not into it. My mornings have been rushed. I am not doing all my little rituals that I love to do on an every morning basis. I am skipping over stuff.

It’s easy to justify all of this as saying “I am human after all”. 

Yes, I am human.

But of course something has changed. And I sat down to wonder what. And whether this is the usual cycle for me after a certain number of months? Or is it more at certain times of the year?

Also, I am finding myself using my mantra of “Monday Grace” more often. In fact, I realized I haven’t used it all summer and fall. And suddenly, I need it. I need me some Monday Grace again! I need me some kindness from my own self, some letting off the hook, and some ease to settle into the long week ahead.

Why though?

Is it the onset of winter? Because the last two weeks has been feeling like winter. This weekend I finally pulled out our winter parkas from the basement. To me that is the ultimate giving in to the long and troublesome season of winter. I love my parka for keeping me cozy, but I have to say, I hate to pull it out. And it’s definitely here to stay for a few months. 

Maybe it’s that. Because getting out of bed is harder in a cold house (we turn off heating for the night). Because leaving the house for my morning walk takes courage. Because it’s darker later in the morning, and earlier in the evening. Life is definitely a little more challenging in the winter. And motivation is a little bit lower.

Even writing this blog on a daily basis is harder these days.

What else? Is it the approaching of the holidays? Maybe I am just ready for the laziness of the holidays and have already given in? These last few weeks are just feeling like the beginning of the season of resting and restoring. And so, am I giving myself that space already?

Maybe it’s all of those reasons together, along with my body’s monthly rhythm. I would never really know.

But what I do know is that, for now, I need some space to not be on the ball. I need a little more sleep, and a little more of letting go.

I have been through this before. So I know that this is temporary. I will bounce back when it’s time.

But for now, I will let the hibernation of the darkest days work on my body as nature means to.

To give in.

To close my eyes.

To be.