Another weekend done. It was cold on Saturday, and almost hot on Sunday. The weather flip flopping again. Ah well, it’s that kind of April. I have given up on having any expectations, which makes it easier to deal with whatever the weather throws at us.

And that makes me think. And realize. This:

Disappointments would be non-existent if there were no expectations. Or desires. 

It’s only because we want things to go a certain way- outcomes, or people behaving in a certain way- and then they don’t happen that particular way, that we feel sadness, or disappointment.

Which means it’s a simple solution to removing disappointment as a feeling from our lives…easy peasy right- just don’t have expectations!

Well, simple yes, but easy, not so much.

I mean we are still humans with certain tendencies and ways of living our lives in certain practiced ways that makes adopting new behaviours and accepting new knowledge not so easy.

Because if it was that easy, I think more of us would have achieved the monk-like status in terms of avoiding pitfall emotions of sadness, anger and disappointment. 

But most of us feel these emotions on a daily basis. 

And that’s ok. Knowing is the first step. Because now I realize or know that I should let go of certain expectations in order to be free of disappointments, and so I can start collecting data and catching myself whenever my expectations lead me astray towards disappointment.

And slowly, hopefully, over time, my brain will catch me before I have fixed firm expectations and desires with reminders of why that may not be a best idea, reminding me all the last times I was expecting things I ended up angry or hurt because there is no force on this planet beholden to fulfill my expectations for myself. 

The only person I can truly have expectations from is me and myself. Not even my family owes me that. 

The book “Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, and “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins comes to my mind right away talking about this very concept in their own different ways. 

Now that I realize this concept, and see it’s power in action- having no weather expectation this weekend meant I was not disappointed by the cold windy Saturday we just had- means it’s my job to remind myself time and again that the no-expectation mindset works, and that I need to practice it whenever I can catch myself going the other way.

Just like in meditation, when we catch our thoughts drifting, we come back to silence, the same process applies to developing good habits in any realm, I have come to realize. Rather than being cross or chide ourselves for drifting, it’s a better way to just notice the drifting, and change directions to go the new way we are trying to adopt. No anger, no frustration and no disappointment needed.

And that is my new big learning this weekend. Yes, it’s nothing new: not in my life, and not as knowledge for humans in general. But sometimes, the millionth realization is when it really strikes us, and we hopefully make changes for the better. 

That is what I am hoping for myself. To start catching myself having expectations. To slowly teach myself to avoid disappointments.