I have figured this out about me. 

When I start a book, I go slow in the beginning. It takes me forever to get through the first half of the book. In fact it’s so slow that I start to blame myself for slacking on my reading habit and practice. And it’s annoying, because there are way too many books I want to read in this world!

But, the second half of the book, I can mostly zip though. With my slow going in the first half, I finally really get into the book in the second half, and then the speed of my reading picks up immensely. The book is then finished in no time. Which makes me feel amazing about my reading. 

Then. I excitedly pick up my next book, and start reading with the same enthusiasm and speed that I finished the first book with. But the pattern catches up with me, and I end up meandering through the first half of the book once again.

I finally recognized this pattern, and it got me thinking. 

Is it just me, or are most regular readers? I can’t imagine everyone reading all their books at the same constant speed with all the variables involved. There’s the book and the writing style, there’s life of the reader vying for their attention, and the degree of interest in the plot line or the topic at hand. With these variables at play, of course every book reading will be a different reading experience for everyone. But when one reads for pleasure all the time, meaning they have a book they are reading at any given time, there has to be a pattern of reading that emerges. Like with anything. We find our own patterns in the way we exercise, or the way we get ready every morning, or how we write emails- anything! So why not with reading?

Meditation teaches one to catch themselves in their own patterns. That way we get to know ourselves better. We get to know our meta selves- not just what we do, but how we do it. 

For me my reading pattern is: Slllllloooooow- FAST! 

And because now I know this about myself, I am starting to make peace with it. I am trying not to blame myself to be a slow reader when I pick up a book and find it hard to get through the first half quickly. Because I am not a slow reader. I am only a slow beginning-of-the-book reader. Because I read for pleasure, I do not want to push the first few pages of the book down my throat just for the sake of getting thought the pages quickly. I want to get into it at my own pace. And sometimes, if the fast pace doesn’t come in the second half, it is either because it’s a hard book that warrants slow reading throughout; or it’s just a crappy book not worth my time, and it gets tossed. 

Either ways, I know I love reading, and I won’t be giving up on it any time soon just because I take my time starting and getting into a book.

And giving myself this permission comes from the fact that I recognized my pattern and made peace with it.