I go through obsessions for a period of time. A few weeks or months (and sometimes years!) when I need to learn everything I can about a topic.

A form of self education, if you will…

But with a drive that scares me sometimes.

And I fear my family will think me a total nerd (or bonkers, in the worst case!) because they hear me listen to podcasts, read, talk, make notes about that one topic to death. I pause my podcast when I see them around so they don’t figure out the depth of my obsession with that topic at that given moment in time.

But that fear of being judged does not stop me from whatever it is I need to learn from that topic, thankfully!

I have gone from topics of art making, nutrition, exercise, creativity, productivity, history, mindfulness, meditation, fasting, sleep, investing…yes, the list is long. And I always seem to find new topics to be obsessive about. I feel like the common thread in all of these is “self-improvement”- something our world, at least here in North America, seems to obsess about in general.

I know that, but I see it from a different lens for myself.

I see it as becoming a little more complete human with every passing year…

Every time I add a piece of learning to my resume of life, I feel a little more whole.

When I learn the importance of consuming protein and fruits and vegetables at a little deeper level, or understand why sleep is critical for me and hence a 9:30 bedtime, or the gift of sitting in peace for 15 minutes before starting my day…they all make me a better human, one little bit at a time. 

For the longes time I felt utterly inadequate in one area of life.

I felt very confident in myself in areas of: reading, health, creativity, nutrition, relationships, optimizing time and productivity.

But where I felt sorely lacking to the point of blaming the education system and feeling very immature was taking care of finances.

I knew the basics like any educated person would with regards to spending less than incoming money, and paying bills on time and staying away from debt- my 14 year old has had that basic knowledge for the past few years now. But besides that, I did not know what to do with money. Investing was a term applicable to the rich. Financial independence was not in my dictionary. Budgeting was old-fashioned and obsolete. Saving was all I really knew, and did. 

Thankfully, I made learning about finances my obsession, and these days I hide listening to personal finance podcasts from my family at times.

But of course, they know!

My husband has been asking me about how to invest in the various registered accounts. We’ve cleaned up our bank accounts, started tracking our expenses, figured out our net worth…and the journey just continues.

The beauty is that once I step in any realm that I want to learn about, it becomes so enjoyable to learn and grow.

That pleasure that I derive from it is what makes me obsess.

Also, I feel that, if my obsession and new found knowledge, which I cannot help but share with my family, rubs off somewhat on my son…well, my job as a parent would be a little bit better done.

All the areas of life that I am finding myself to complete with, he would already have some idea of, and well, the knowledge that he can always go dig out whatever it is he needs to learn and grow and get a little more whole with.

In other words…guilty but not guilty.