Last night I was having a conversation with my son about taking the middle path in life.

This is not the first time we have talked about it. It comes up often because children live in extremes. The world to them is most contrasted- black and white or good and bad.

But as we grow from childhood to adulthood, shades of grey make themselves more apparent, and we realize the beauty and importance of these greys.

Thinking about this topic as I was having this conversation, I came up with this statement:

Life is not lived in “Never” and “Always”, but somewhere in the “Often” and “Sometimes”.

I felt proud of myself for having thought of such a brilliant (ahem- in my humble opinion, that is…) statement to summarize life. And so here I am writing about it.

However hard we try, there is no rule any of us can follow brilliantly to the T without any misses or mistakes.

Of course, we all have to learn this the hard way…

As a young adult, I had ideals about how I want to live my life perfectly every single day, and no one convinces me to change my way, or peer pressure me into taking the easy, or the imperfect but enticing way out. You know what I am talking about because we all have been there:

I will write in my journal every single night

I will wake up early to exercise every morning

I will never eat junk food again

I will always having a perfect looking house

And so on.

The ideals happen for a few days till they don’t.

And sometimes, they may come back, or never make an appearance ever again because they were not really for us.

But we keep trying. And trying.

Till we get older and wiser, and still keep trying, but without so much guilt about it because we have learnt along the way that perfection is a myth. It’s better to be consistent than ever try to reach the elusive and toxic state of perfection. And if it’s meant to stick, the habit will make itself a consistent (but never perfect) part of our lives.

During COVID, I started reading a poem every morning on waking up, and decided it was a part of my essential morning routine. I also decided it was the best thing I could do to enrich my brain.

Two months later, my brain enrichment activity was long forgotten, and replaced with sometimes reading a poem when I felt invited by one. And these days that habit is entirely non-existent in my “perfect” morning routine.

If I can go outside for a quick walk and stretch my body on my mat for 10 minutes, I call it a successful morning routine. If not, because my body needed the extra sleep or I have an early morning appointment, well, I will come back to it tomorrow when time is on my hand.

No guilt, no shame, no feeling miserable.

And no poetry reading either.

With Sometimes and Often as part of lived life, we learn what really matters to us. That what matters makes it to the “often” path. Special treats or opportunities make it to the “sometimes” path.

The fluff falls to the wayside, and life keeps on moving forward on these two uneven bumpy grooves.

Always and Never keep inviting us over with their shiny and enticing promises of perfection, and we try to make our lives run on these smooth surfaces.

That does feel great till we slip and fall on the gloss, and realize how difficult it would be to stay on these paths for a long time.

And then we fall right back into the grooves of Often and Sometimes. The path that’s comforting, slow, steady and real. 

Sometimes I write, and often I read.

Sometimes I listen to music, but often I listen to podcasts.

Sometimes I go out to eat, but often I cook at home. 

I always walk 10000 steps every single day, and I never break my Duolingo streak- said no one ever…(or I haven’t met them yet!)