On Thursdays I like to go to a coffee shop in the afternoons and hang out doing writing or planning for work. I get there so I have an hour or so to do my work.
And then my son joins me straight from school. He gets a treat or two as I sip my tea.
And we just talk.
Good old fashioned talking that seems to be at such a premium in a teenager’s life from a mom or an adult’s perspective. He is always busy either with school work, or chatting with friends or playing his video games, or going places he needs to be.
When we hang out at home, we may catch a movie or a TV show because it’s the end of the day and we all just want to chill. And sometimes play cards or board games over weekends. But then the focus is on the game itself.
This makes our coffee shop hang out very special- atleast to me! And I know my son looks forward to it too.
There is no distraction but us. And when the scene changes from the usual of being home where there is always stuff to do (house and kitchen work for me, school work for my son), there is a sort of a lightness in us that helps us open more, and be more present.
Having other people and their chatter and the usual sounds of a working coffee shop- making of coffee, sounds of change being dropped, beeps of the card machine, grinding of coffee beans, dishes moving around- they are soothing in their own way.
Being away from the home environment also takes off the pressure from me to be a mom…I can just talk to him like a friend. No needing to correct, or reminders to do something. The things moms get a bad rap about (aka nagging), but I am not sure my son would do well without these reminders. But once outside the house in a nice coffee shop- we are just two people who know each other inside out, and can just talk without worrying about judgements, on equal terms.
All of this makes for good conversations.
Having treats around helps a teenager be in the best mood possible.
Looking into each other’s eyes and having all our attention on each other’s words because there is nothing else to do…well, that helps us truly connect.
The conversations may not be deep. They may just be about the events of daily life, or conversations and encounters had with others. Or just school. But knowing someone is truly listening is surely comforting. And if something deep needs to come out once in a while, the conditions are right.
Then we walk back home and take on our old roles. Me being a mom and a home maker. He going back to his room to do his teenager stuff.
But that connection remains. And we know we’ll have more coming in a week’s time.